Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
