sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
