he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
