They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
