dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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