I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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