Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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