im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
