I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
