my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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