Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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