He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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