she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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