I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
