I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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