Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
