Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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