We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
