I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
