from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize