why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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