If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
