I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
