conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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