my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
