Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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