Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
