I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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