are you so shy because you have an std?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
