I hate your face
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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