Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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