you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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