I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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