so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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