I wish my penis had an off switch
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
