I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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