remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
