There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
