you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
