she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just invented taco cereal.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
