you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
