I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
