i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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