oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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