I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
