So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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