My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
