You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
