the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it because I queefed?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
