He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
