i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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