If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
