okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
