don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
