i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
