There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We got so high we made milksteak
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
