she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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