I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
