he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
