i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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