Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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