How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
