Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
