Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize