I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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