There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head