So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped