Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight

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  (802): that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight http://tfl.nu/exu9
  Replies (73) Good night (1188) Bad night (2802)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"

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  (301): My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock" http://tfl.nu/tlon
  Replies (53) Good night (9740) Bad night (908)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (4265) Bad night (1348)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.

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  (972): So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office. http://tfl.nu/rm9r
  Replies (45) Good night (1485) Bad night (5813)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight

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  (862): win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight http://tfl.nu/0j1g
  Replies (22) Good night (3654) Bad night (1413)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.

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  (405): You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow. http://tfl.nu/0l2h
  Replies (6) Good night (3726) Bad night (843)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.

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  (816): I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic. http://tfl.nu/t2fd
  Replies (7) Good night (2617) Bad night (1092)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form

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  (301): It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form http://tfl.nu/mrkk
  Replies (6) Good night (4436) Bad night (1014)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.

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  (719): Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence. http://tfl.nu/tuvm
  Replies (15) Good night (4102) Bad night (1040)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.

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  (281): Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute. http://tfl.nu/xxsd
  Replies (12) Good night (3590) Bad night (845)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit

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  (501): somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit http://tfl.nu/n1zz
  Replies (3) Good night (1269) Bad night (403)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey

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  (845): You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey http://tfl.nu/3j62
  Replies (5) Good night (1372) Bad night (614)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis

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  (703): that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis http://tfl.nu/car4
  Replies (7) Good night (1038) Bad night (464)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.

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  (570): You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20. http://tfl.nu/twif
  Replies (2) Good night (524) Bad night (265)
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  (47): View more from Norway

  Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van

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  (47): Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van http://tfl.nu/ihe8
  Replies (2) Good night (233) Bad night (163)

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