I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
