I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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