woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
